VOD Review - Longhorns

Dylan Vox (left) and Jacob Newton
in "Longhorns"
With all the talk recently about Magic Mike, a movie about male strippers, I figure from what I've heard about women going to see it to get a glance at men stripping proves there is an audience for movies about boys getting naked. In Magic Mike, you get a lot of bare chests and a lot of bare buttock, but a supreme lack of penis shots, or what some women would deem the money shots. This is not the case for David Lewis' latest movie Longhorns.

TLA Releasing, a movie distribution company that you could say specializes in male nudity, specifically male frontal nudity, put Longhorns on DVD last November. In June 2012, just a week before Magic Mike hit theaters, Lewis' creation became available on Netflix Watch Instantly, basically streaming for no additional cost for millions, so if you're looking to see the penis of at least five different guys without the pretense of having to do cheesy dances, then Longhorns is the gay romantic comedy for you.

It's funny because the most recognizable face is Dylan Vox who used to be a porn star, which makes him amenable to clothes coming off, but Vox is doing something that he doesn't normally do and that's play straight. He co-stars as Steve, a guy who likes to have sex with women. He's a horny boy from Texas. How do you know he's from Texas? He wears a cowboy hat and says so many ridiculous cowboy and Texas-related sayings. That's all we know. That's all he knows. That's all he wants to know. That is until he becomes trapped in a cabin with two dudes, thanks to a classic Texas flood, and no way to get to any girls for a day or so. Almost as if in a HBO prison show, Steve has to turn to the other guys for sexual satisfaction.

The one guy in particular is Kevin, played by Jacob Newton. Kevin has been heterosexual in practice but he keeps having homosexual fantasies. He even starts to have relations with a fellow college student named César, played by Derek Efrain Villanueva. Kevin's best friend, Justin played by Kevin Held, is very homophobic, so Kevin is very reluctant to tell any one he might be gay.

Over this movie's very brief running time, it becomes one excuse after another for Kevin, César, Justin and Steve to put their genitalia on display. It's at first meant to be titilating but by the second penis we see, certainly by the fifth, it's become a joke, much like in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. The reason is that ultimately the story is about Kevin over-coming his homophobia and being comfortable enough to admit his true feelings. One way to do that is through comedy.

Humor helps against homophobia as it does against most bigotries. For those watching this who might also be a bit hesitant or homophobic, Kevin is our stand-in. Or else, I've gotten this whole thing wrong and this entire movie is either an advocacy film for nudists or those who like to give hand-jobs because a lot of that is had here.

Three Stars out of Five.
Not Rated But Recommended for Mature Audiences.
Running Time: 1 hr. and 14 mins.


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