VOD Review - Steam Room Stories: The Movie!

JC Calciano is a filmmaker of whom I became aware about ten years ago. This is his fourth feature as writer-director. It's an adaptation of his web series Steam Room Stories, which are simple skits that are only 3 minutes in length or shorter, involving two to five men in nothing but white towels sitting on a bench in a sauna talking or commenting on issues related to same-sex relationships. The topics are also comedic or humorous takes on contemporary, social issues like medical marijuana, dad bod and man spreading. Whatever the take, it's usually charged with some kind of homoeroticism. It's one of the longest-running, gay web series. It started in January 2010 and is still posting new episodes to YouTube. In fact, next year will mark it's tenth anniversary in existence.

Each episode features two to five men. Some guys have appeared in episodes for several years, but the series has gone through a new crop of actors every now and then. The show has been so popular that famous guest stars like  Karamo Brown (Queer Eye and The Real World: Philadelphia) and social media star Max Emerson have appeared in the series. Over the years though, the series has cycled through more than 60 guys. For this film, they adopted a brand new group of never-before-seen men to lead things. Fans though will see cameos from previous actors in the series.

Eric D'Agostino stars as Neil, the personal assistant to a cosmetics giant. He has set out with her to find what's called "the fountain of youth." He discovers that this so-called fountain is actually in Los Angeles. The fountain is underneath a workout and boxing gym in Encino. We don't learn too much about his family life, but we do learn he's gay. When he was young, he was bullied. He was taken under the wing of a businesswoman who identified with what he was experiencing. He ended up working for her and becoming loyal to her. She sends him to find a way to acquire the property that is the gym, so she can have unlimited access to the fountain of youth.

Neil learns that the man who owns the property is behind on his taxes. Specifically, he has to pay the IRS $25,000 or they'll seize his gym and kick him out. Five guys who frequent the gym and specifically sit in its sauna decide that they need to raise the money in order to save the gym. Neil is told to infiltrate these group of guys, spy on them and undermine them or find a way to stop them from raising the money in time.

Jacob Buckenmyer co-stars as Wade, one of the five gym regulars. It's not clear what he does for work or what he does beyond being a gym bunny, but if you're familiar with Calciano's previous feature The 10 Year Plan (2015), then Wade's disposition is very much akin to Jack Turner's character of Myles. He's described by his friends as too suffocating. He's too quick to domesticate. He'll go on a first date with a guy and already want to marry him. Calciano even directs a montage with regard to Wade that is very much the same as the montage of Myles in The 10 Year Plan about his quickness to domesticate. When Wade meets Neil, he's immediately attracted but tries to take things a bit slower.

As we watch Wade and the four other guys try to raise the money, it lends mostly to scenes that demonstrate how the five guys are mostly bimbos. They call each other "bro-chachos." It seems as if three of the four are straight or maybe all four of them straight. The sexuality of the fourth is never definitively locked down, but they're mostly vapid, concerned mainly with sex, being masculine or macho, as well as maintaining a ripped physique. Yet, their friendship among each other appears totally genuine. Fortunately, Calciano's comedy comes from mocking them and making them constantly the butt of jokes, while at the same time getting off at leering at those ripped physiques. A lot of the other comedy is clever one-liners that are meta-humor, double-entendres and pop culture gags.

The other four guys barely have any characterization. Calciano's previous features usually have him juggling only a same-sex male couple and not too many others in his cast. Here, he's juggling an ensemble of seven characters. Neil and Wade are the same-sex couple at the forefront and even they don't get enough characterization. In The 10 Year Plan, we got a lot of characterization from Myles and Brody, played by Michael Adam Hamilton. We got where both of them worked, who their circle of friends were, what their world views were and bits more. We barely get enough about Neil and Wade, and how nerdy they are, but Calciano drops the ball when it comes to the other four. Besides liking sex and liking women, the four other guys are just eye candy who say dumb things.

Traci Lords is the famous porn star who made the switch to mainstream films. She plays Sally Fay, the head of the cosmetics giant and the boss to Neil. She's a ruthless businesswoman. She'll go to any lengths to get control of the property because she thinks the water underneath it is the fountain of youth, the magic to literally keep people young forever. She hopes to prove it once she seizes the property. Like Hitchcock, Calciano seems to have a thing for certain blonde-haired women. One of his previous features is eCupid (2011), which featured Morgan Fairchild as the diva interfering with the gay relationship in that film. Lords is filling that same space and she is the funniest thing in this whole thing. She's actually far better used here than Fairchild was.

If you like the humor and subject matter here, Eating Out (2005) and Another Gay Movie (2006) might also tickle your fancy.

Not Rated but contains language and some sexual situations.
Running Time: 1 hr. and 35 mins.

Available on DVD and VOD.